They want to be ‘good’, smart, follow the rules, measure up, fit in. If they’re introverted, they can ruminate endlessly about which option is right, causing them to become stuck.
When they do choose the ‘right’ option, it often means conforming to external expectations and rules. So, in the end, they lose their sense of self. They feel lost.
That gnawing pain of identity loss resonates strongly for me. Because it takes me back to one of my rock bottom moments.
Laying on the bathroom floor after releasing blood clots the size of grapefruits, almost passing out, I couldn’t find the energy to crawl my way back to bed. I had had a miscarriage – again.
My daughter, who was our little miracle after several unsuccessful pregnancies, was soon turning one at the time. She ended up being an only child. I felt defective, demoralized, ashamed, lost.
The picket fence life that I was trying to create (yes, at that time it definitely meant being a Mom to more than one child) was disrupted. Not only did it take a physical toll on me, that final miscarriage rocked my identity.
Working through the process of “Who am I now?” and “What do I want?” changed the path I would take next. Now over ten years later, I have made a lot of changes, but I find that I’m still figuring things out. Because, as I grow and accept more about myself, what I want – what matters to me – shifts.
Therefore, I feel like I’m always re-discovering, re-deciding, re-adjusting. If I can accept it for what it is without judgement, I’m at peace with this process of living my authentic life.
So when I ask you the question, “Are you willing to let go of doing things right?”, I understand how challenging that is.
And I’m nudging you to give yourself permission to forget about what the plan was, or what you thought you would have or be doing by this point in your life. Forget about what anyone else wants for you or expects of you. Choose genuine happiness.
Give yourself permission to do what feels right for YOU now.
Being true takes courage. I still don’t have it all ‘right’. Some days are definitely better than others. But what I can tell you is that, lately, I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night with a deep knowing that I’m doing what’s right for me now. Not one part of my life is perfect. Yet, overall, I feel a sense of peacefulness.That’s all I can ask of myself.
So instead of expecting that you make the ‘right’ decision, expect that you do the best you can today. If you know that your best is coming from your most authentic self, that’s right enough.
Tell me, if you were willing to let go of trying to make the right decision, what would you do next?
Be Brave. Be Seen. Be True…and please share this with another woman who might need to free herself from trying to do things right all the time.